The Student

Ok the student isn’t a literal student. But I’ve named him that as he’s eager to learn. 
I have another NSFW blog on tumblr and he messaged me saying that he was happy to have found it. Apparently he was trying to explore his sexuality more and was glad to have found someone who was doing similar. We chatted for a bit which wasn’t flirty at all and he explained that he was branching out into other sexual experiences and had an impromptu MFM before. He lives in London like me and we agreed to meet up the following weekend for a drink. Turns out we live pretty close to each other. 

I met him without any type of expectation except that we were meeting as potential friends and talking about stuff we had in common. Me and hubby shared our stories with him and we went into more detail about how his MFM threesome went. 
When we got home, hubby suggested that the student would be a good option for the MFM. This caught me off guard. He was my type, was good looking, he would know what he’s doing and we all got on very well. But for some reason I felt like asking him would be taking advantage. I think it’s because he’s a bit younger than us and we met him up as friends with out any type of agenda. 
I mulled over it for a few hours, then decided to man up and ask him. Before I could do this, he messaged me. He casually dropped in that if we struggled to find someone for our threesome, he’d be a willing to volunteer. 
I kind of fumbled my initial responses as I wasn’t sure what exactly to say. But I eventually got to the point and told him to come over the next weekend. 
So that’s how I found myself having three MFM threesomes scheduled to take place within the space of a week. 

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The soldier 

I’m still on the look out for the right guy to join me and hubby for a MFM threesome.
I approached the Soldier myself and I was pretty up front and to the point. I was feeling a bit doubtful of my other options so I was taking a shot in the dark. Luckily we got chatting and things progressed smoothly to exchanging numbers.

I found out he was in the military from his whatsapp picture. I was terrified and intrigued at the same time. I might explain a bit more on why that was at another time. 

I was really prepared for fuckry when we went to meet him but he actually seems down to earth, empathetic and level headed which is nice. Based on what he’s told us so far I suspect he’s in a combat based role. But I haven’t been asking those kind of questions.

I’ve learnt not to rely on text conversations and pictures to give a full impression of a person. But I must say I was even surprised by how much better he was in person. He is as tall as he says he is, very muscular, well presented, good skin and very nice to look at. 

He’s disclosed to me that he’s trying to be more comfortable talking about sex and I respected his honesty. He got on well with Hubby which is of the upmost of importance. We chatted about everything from our most recent escapades, to our backgrounds and politics. 

I texted him when we got back home and told him straight that I was interested and there were no hard feelings if he wasn’t. I woke up the next day to find out that he also wanted to go ahead with that threesome.

It’s clear he likes me a lot. ‘Often’ and ‘regularly’ are words he uses to describe how he wants to see me since we first met for drinks. This took me aback. I’m not sure what that means because to me it means once a week/once a month. That level of frequency to me can start bordering on relationship territory. Every now and again seems more appropriate if we were to ever link up again after this. 

But anyway, we’ve set a date for sometime soon and I’m really looking forward to it.

The Catfish: Block and Delete

Like I may have said before, trying to arrange a MFM threesome is a lot harder that people envisage it to be.

My issue hasn’t been getting people who are willing to fuck me, but the problem has rather been about who is suitable, reliable and honourable. 

Recently some guy tried to catfish me. From the beginning I was a bit wary and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I put an ad up where I was very specific about what we were looking for. This guy responded to it without including a picture (despite the ad requiring this). I still responded to him saying nothing was gonna happen without a pic. He did send one without a face, holding up a handwritten sign saying ‘peaches’. A reference he had used in the email. So I gave him my kik ad. 

The chats we had were pretty hot and engaging, however I wasn’t committed as I had the suspicion the pictures he sent me were maybe of two different people. So that was something I wanted to get to the bottom of. He was pretty talkative, almost too much, but he still seemed evasive to me. I asked him one time what his availability was for the week to see if he was serious and he said he didn’t know. No effort to give a time frame or anything, yet he kept asking me for nudes. That’s a big red flag to me. So when he asked me for nudes I asked him to send me a selfie first. This guy sent me a picture of *himself* with a hand over his face! 

I can sometimes be paranoid because of my anxiety and so it’s hard for me to give in to gut feelings. But this time my feelings were validated. I blocked and deleted him and never looked back. 

The academic

So trying to sort out a MFM is a bit more complicated than I think most people assume. So far we’ve met two guys and I’ve been talking to a few others.
One of the guys me and hubby have met is a lecturer/academic…lets call him the academic. He’s cute and good looking with very nice skin and we all got on well when we went for drinks. He’s very obviously passionate about his field of study, but I also think he was talking a lot about it because he’s shy/nervous. I think its going to be difficult going from deep chats about history and theory to fucking. I still want to do this but I think it might be best if he’s not the first.
I’m trying to decide how best to play this as he doesn’t seem that comfortable talking about sex or rather he doesn’t go into details although he’s clearly interested. So far I’ve been approaching him like how I would do a girl who is newer to things than me: i.e being friendly, gently asking what he likes/doesn’t like, a bit of flirting and trying to make him feel more comfortable and able to be open. 
So far this approach has brought interesting results. You can tell he ovethinks everything and is sometimes unsure of how to react lol. I’m kind of like that so I can kind of relate. He’s still in thesis mode when he texts compliments which is funny, endearing and slyly annoying at the same time. But he’s done stuff like this before so I think either he’s gonna have to loosen up with some alcohol and/or I’m going to have to take the lead. I like taking the lead at times but it kind of goes against my rule of ‘not running a man down’. But whose to say a man can’t also be nervous? Let’s see how it goes. 

MFM threesome

So after a lot of pondering and discussion, I’m now looking into trying out a threesome with me, my husband and another guy.

I’m gonna write posts about my progress but they wine necessarily be in chronological order. I’ll sort that out later. 

Oxymoron

I often find it difficult to see where I fit in.

I call myself a prudish freak because I am a contradiction: I’m a bisexual woman, who has at times wished I was straight (and as a teenager, wished I was asexual). Watching porn makes me feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, yet I go to sex parties and participate in group sex. I’ve previously felt that BDSM was mostly sexist and depraved, now I’m a Domme and only have an interest in dominating women. I always believed in monogamy and couldn’t conceptualise anything else,  I’m now married and I find that I actually enjoy seeing my husband have fun with someone other women. I’ve suffered from vulvodynia and I’m currently going through psycho sexual counselling to deal with the residual feelings of shame and detachment I sometimes feel when it comes to sex. As you can see, I’m still trying to reconcile all the parts of me and make them into a whole I can accept and be unapologetic about.

My sex life is somewhat a bit of a cat and mouse game. I have the tendency to see my sexuality as something separate from me. Something that comes over and possesses me or something I conjure up when its appropriate. When I’m done with it, it goes back in its little box. But it is something that is always there and it doesn’t need to be hidden and it doesn’t need the excessive moralising that I subject it to. I’m trying to unlearn the negative messages I’ve absorbed and be my true self at all times without apologies.

I’m a grown woman and all that matters with whatever I choose to do with my sexuality, is that I’m safe, I am my authentic self and that my husband is cool with what we do. I to often forget that I’m an adult and i can decide what is and isn’t right for me.

It’s a hard job trying to drown out the voices of doubt and judgement in my head, but I feel much more equipped to make a good go of it now.

Reaching out

I’ve been trying to feel more comfortable about my sexuality. This has been particularly difficult because it’s not an option to be ‘out’ at the moment and I don’t know anyone really in the same situation. Me and my husband have met couples and bisexual women but this has been in a sexual context which is very different from what I felt I was lacking.

I’ve felt for a while that it would be good to make friends with other black women/women of colour who are part of the LGBTQIA community. I’ve been able to observe LGBTQIA issues from a bit of a distance but it’s not the same as having a friend you can relate to.

I’ve reached out to some people but it never really got any further than messaging back and forth. The weekend before I went to attend a social event intended to connect bisexuals of colour. Though the organiser was very warm and open, I was disappointed that on that day I was the only person to attend. I felt a bit frustrated by this but I will try to attend other events put on by this organisation and get more involved in bisexual events and activism. I think this will be important in fully accepting myself and enable me to help others.

Recently I’ve been able to meet up with a girl who seems very similar to me. She has explained that she identifies as pan sexual and her family background, interests and hobbies seem eerily similar to mine. Since we met up we’ve been chatting a lot through messaging and I’m hopeful we can form a meaningful friendship.

I’m glad that my luck in this area seems to be picking up and I recognise that there is still more for me to do on this journey.

Wax play

I think the first time I’d seem something remotely resembling wax play was in a music video. If I remember correctly DMX and Drag-on were in it. I didn’t really know it was a ‘thing’ but I’ve thought for a while I’d like to pour hot wax on someone for the thrill if it.

I dismissed it as odd but came across it while browsing on Pinterest. I saw some pictures depicting it and thought ‘oh my God, I’m not the only one!’ Since then I knew I definitely had to try it out.

I was worried that the wax could be very hot and scaring so I tried it on my self first. It wasn’t excruciating, and when dropped from a height the wax had more opportunity to cool. My husband indulged me with this desire and tried the wax on me – the shock of the hot wax on your back, then soothed with kisses and caresses is delicious. I’ve tried it on him too and we’ve had a lot of fun with it.

I’ve recently acquired a sub and have done wax play with her on two occasions. Prior to that she was unfamiliar with it, but has confessed that it is one of the favourite things she likes me to do to her.

I’ve read that you should avoid using candles with certain ingredients as these can cause the wax to melt hotter than other kinds. I try out candles on myself before using them on anyone else to make sure it’s safe (I don’t think I would put someone through something without having an idea of how it feels). So far I’ve had success with standard scented candles. They smell good and add to the ambiance.

On the downside, it’s a bit messy. Once the wax has dried and comes away from the body, it often ends up on the floor. So of you’re at home, you will have to get the vacuum out and if you’re in a hotel you might want to pick pieces off the floor do your room doesn’t look unexplainable by daybreak.

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Delving into BDSM

It’s been very hard (as I anticipated) for me to get to a Domme/sub situation that I was happy with. At times it’s felt like it was something that would not come to fruition and I was prepared to make peace with that if it came to it.

Being someone who is typically guarded and cautious when it comes to sexual matters, it’s important for me to be in a situation where I and whoever is involved, is comfortable. This has been no easy feat. It has also been challenging to look into my desires and figure exactly what I wanted.

I’m happy to report that my efforts have not been in vain and I’ve had the opportunity to get deeper into this interest. Now that’s its a reality I’ve become more open to trying out more things and letting my imagination take me places. More details to follow shortly.