Thoughts of BDSM

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BDSM is something that I have not previously considered seriously. In the past I thought of it as deviant behaviour, I then progressed to thinking it to be problematic and now…now I am exploring being a Domme.

I’ve read different articles on women talking about being submissives. That sort of thing didn’t really appeal to me. I didn’t understand how someone who considered themselves to be womanist/feminist would find it appealing to be called names, humiliated and choked by a someone they desired sexually. I didn’t really find rape play, age play or race play to be acceptable.

I do think that sex is a political subject, however I now feel that issues around sex and sexuality are much more nuanced than I previously thought. Especially now that I am trying to examine who I am as a person.

After coming across a few things and experiences, I expressed to my husband that I felt a desire to dominate someone. Specifically a woman. It alarmed me that I actually wanted to choke a woman and I worked my brain trying to figure out what that meant and what that said about me. My husband told me I had nothing to be ashamed of and I should just accept what I felt.

There was no real opportunity to test this out until our Third (I’ll explain later) came along. Before we met we had chatted a lot on whatsapp about what we were all into. My husband mentioned that I wanted to choke someone and she got really excited about it. I admit I was floored by this, it was all so crazy! When we met she brought it up again and in the middle of the restaurant she asked me to put my hands around her throat to see what my grip would feel like. She wasn’t disappointed. I was pretty straightforward in saying that when it comes down to it, she needed to tell me if I was squeezing too hard.

This is another thing that scares me about BDSM – hurting someone past the point they are comfortable with, mentally or physically.

I have done breath play (choking) twice with her since then. We have discussed going fully into it and she has stated that she wants to be my sub, but it is yet to happen. Partly because of conflicting schedules, partly because I need to be absolutely committed to this to handle this properly.

I admit I’ve been afraid to take the plunge and have wondered whether wanting to do this makes me a bad person or not.

I’ve come to weigh things up objectively. The way I’ve gone about things does not suggest that I’m reckless or irresponsible or have no regard for the person’s well being. I’ve researched and done my homework. This may sound contradictory, but I am very cautious about watching BDSM porn in case I witness something that I can’t unsee or find triggering.

On top of that I’ve done some self reflection. I accept that maybe something in my history and personality have opened up this desire. I notice that I try to control a lot of things because I’ve felt a lack of control growing up. However whether or not these things have an effect, the most important thing is that there is consent and information for everyone involved.

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2 thoughts on “Thoughts of BDSM

  1. I do want to say you are approaching this behavior in a mature and understandable manner.
    from a Christian perspective I find nothing in the Bible speaking against this life-style; as long as one does not commit adultery. I mention this only in that you stated your marriage (husband).

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  2. I also came into BDSM as a mistress and hesitant and the the more I read the more entranced I became. Never be ashamed of your wants, as long as its consensual, there is nothing wrong with exploring and discovering pieces of yourself you never knew existed!

    Like

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