Reaching out

I’ve been trying to feel more comfortable about my sexuality. This has been particularly difficult because it’s not an option to be ‘out’ at the moment and I don’t know anyone really in the same situation. Me and my husband have met couples and bisexual women but this has been in a sexual context which is very different from what I felt I was lacking.

I’ve felt for a while that it would be good to make friends with other black women/women of colour who are part of the LGBTQIA community. I’ve been able to observe LGBTQIA issues from a bit of a distance but it’s not the same as having a friend you can relate to.

I’ve reached out to some people but it never really got any further than messaging back and forth. The weekend before I went to attend a social event intended to connect bisexuals of colour. Though the organiser was very warm and open, I was disappointed that on that day I was the only person to attend. I felt a bit frustrated by this but I will try to attend other events put on by this organisation and get more involved in bisexual events and activism. I think this will be important in fully accepting myself and enable me to help others.

Recently I’ve been able to meet up with a girl who seems very similar to me. She has explained that she identifies as pan sexual and her family background, interests and hobbies seem eerily similar to mine. Since we met up we’ve been chatting a lot through messaging and I’m hopeful we can form a meaningful friendship.

I’m glad that my luck in this area seems to be picking up and I recognise that there is still more for me to do on this journey.

Wax play

I think the first time I’d seem something remotely resembling wax play was in a music video. If I remember correctly DMX and Drag-on were in it. I didn’t really know it was a ‘thing’ but I’ve thought for a while I’d like to pour hot wax on someone for the thrill if it.

I dismissed it as odd but came across it while browsing on Pinterest. I saw some pictures depicting it and thought ‘oh my God, I’m not the only one!’ Since then I knew I definitely had to try it out.

I was worried that the wax could be very hot and scaring so I tried it on my self first. It wasn’t excruciating, and when dropped from a height the wax had more opportunity to cool. My husband indulged me with this desire and tried the wax on me – the shock of the hot wax on your back, then soothed with kisses and caresses is delicious. I’ve tried it on him too and we’ve had a lot of fun with it.

I’ve recently acquired a sub and have done wax play with her on two occasions. Prior to that she was unfamiliar with it, but has confessed that it is one of the favourite things she likes me to do to her.

I’ve read that you should avoid using candles with certain ingredients as these can cause the wax to melt hotter than other kinds. I try out candles on myself before using them on anyone else to make sure it’s safe (I don’t think I would put someone through something without having an idea of how it feels). So far I’ve had success with standard scented candles. They smell good and add to the ambiance.

On the downside, it’s a bit messy. Once the wax has dried and comes away from the body, it often ends up on the floor. So of you’re at home, you will have to get the vacuum out and if you’re in a hotel you might want to pick pieces off the floor do your room doesn’t look unexplainable by daybreak.

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